Prince of Tennis: Regulars Run Wild
by Skoellya Seyth
Summary: The New Under-16 Invitational Team is ready to begin its tour of America... let's hope the world is ready for them. Crossover with House M.D. First in Series. Slight crack, rated for mild language and some innuendo.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is intended to be the start of a series of crossovers (If other people want to use the same idea to contrive a crossover, feel free. Just let me know.). Some of these will be more serious... others (like this one) bordering on the insane. All attempts will be made to keep characters accurate, and there will be no slash (though jokes implying it I'm not averse to- I just haven't written slash before) or anything more than friendly flirting simply because I'm not a traditional romance writer. This is also written to hopefully break the mould from all the OC fics currently out there (some of which are okay, but the Mary Sues... oi...). It's Pandemonium, seriously. Left, right, centre... get some new inspiration or something...

The characters and all other fictional aspects other than my own plot and original creations belong to their creators/owners.

* * *

_It was the winter of the year the seemingly innocuous Junior High School National Tournament had taken place in Japan. The New Under 16 Japanese Invitational Team had gathered in preparation for their tennis tour of America, with bright innocent smiles as they stepped onto foreign soil. At least, some of the players smiled. The others who didn't either smirked or simply had no change of expression. Some also smiled a little too much. Nonetheless, despite these ominous signs, no one could have possibly guessed at the trail of pain, flattened pride, suffering and destruction (both of property and people) they would leave in their wake... this is the first of their many adventures..._

* * *

_Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital, New Jersey. The office of one Gregory House, M.D. _

"House!"

"Cuddy!" The medical diagnostician replied in an equal tone of urgency, although his face betrayed his sarcasm. The Dean of Medicine, in her usual attire of suit and pearl necklace, stood at the door of his office. In a irregular leap from the norm, she appeared ruffled, scowling and apparently with a broken heel on one of her shoes. He raised his eyebrows, giving her an almost genuine grin of amusement. "And what may I do for you, this fine mourn?"

"Get down to the clinic, now."

"But it's not my hours." He turned his head slightly, intrigued by what calamity could have befallen Cuddy. He easily deduced that it was not life threatening, but something had obviously occurred to relegate her to the state he normally took pride in reducing her to. High heeled shoe an' all.

"I don't care if it's not. You don't even have a case right now. Move it." She folded her arms, meeting House's stare with a particularly vehement glare.

"You seem particularly eager today, why not any of the minions?"

"Because they don't speak Japanese." Cuddy said, before cursing under her breath as she was paged for the countless time that day.

House's eyebrows rose even higher as she hopped and fumbled to the glass door. As it swung shut behind her, he pondered her response. "Japanese?!"

* * *

"This is definitely new." House remarked upon his arrival into the clinic. He skirted to the edge of the room as he observed the throng of foreign kids currently sprawled across the chairs of the clinic area.

"Do you have any idea what they're talking about?"

"They're teenage boys, of course I don't." House said with some ire as he turned to greet his boss for the second time that morning.

"Please." Cuddy forced herself to keep her voice gracious.

"Fine. He's complaining about toothpaste and those delightful people are insulting each other in extremely colourful ways." He replied in a sardonic tone, but he caught a slight shift of movement nearby from a supposedly sleeping boy on the bench next to Cuddy. He raised an eyebrow, but quickly shifted his gaze to survey the rest of the room. "The group over there wants directions to the bathroom. The group around them are snickering." He spun around to face Cuddy and staged whispered. "They're a bunch of liars, they know English."

"What? Why would they do that?"

"Are you kidding? With this rabble of kids? No way do they want to spend their time interpreting. And it's wonderfully sadistic." They turned at a snort, but the kid was still as motionless as ever. "I think he agrees with me."

"Just get them treated and out of here. Send half of them in to Doctor Forster and see the others yourself."

"Yes, Mom."

"I'll let you skip your other clinic duty for two weeks."

"Bribery. I like it." House puckered his lips for a moment in thought before releasing them to make a decisive smacking sound. He leered forward towards Cuddy. "Alright, then. It's done."

"Thank you." She said slowly, meeting his gaze resolutely. "I'll be in my office. Don't cause any more trouble. "

"I wouldn't dream of it." He said flippantly.

"I'm warning you, again." The dean of medicine pointed at his chest as she began walking away, longingly thinking after the aspirin awaiting her in her desk.

"Don't ground me please!!" House mockingly begged as Cuddy strode back down the hall, raising her hand in a goodbye as she stepped into the lift.

"_Okay...!! Ten second attention spans over here! Thank you very much."_ House clapped his hands, and looked amused as the whole room turned his way. Even the regular American patients. He grinned whilst many of the foreign teens tried to process the fact he had spoken Japanese and then the fact they had been insulted. Several of the older boys, who House assumed were the Team Captains, even looked relieved for the distraction. He sighed heavily, knowing it was his turn to do his job._ "Look, I know it's fun to confuse all the staff here but those who speak English stand on the left and those who don't stand over there. And the little kid who is pretending to be asleep in order to hog the bench and avoid annoying people move to the English speaking side, not that I don't like your style."_

"Che." The kid tugged at his cap with a scowl but he cocked an eyebrow at House. "Not bad."

"_Yes, he just outsmarted you in order to avoid speaking, get over it." _He told the other kids who had begun glaring at the small boy.

"_Mada mada dane."_

"_That's pushing it."_ House berated, but the kid simply shrugged and settled into a bored, still rather ill-looking expression. The diagnostician frowned, as the different clues began to fit together. _"Alright, what the heck did you people eat to get this many people with food poisoning this bad?"_

"_Inui juice." _was the answer by several of the sportsmen, given with the reluctance of a dread memory.

"_Never heard of it." _House replied quickly, looking around for an explanation.

"_It's that crazy Seigaku freak's invention." _One of the kids in the orange jackets pointed at the spiky haired boy in the white and blue with a venomous glare.

House was momentarily surprised before turning on the boy with the square glasses._ "Crazy Seigaku freak, whatever that means, what do you have to say?"_

"_Hm. I very carefully administer my health drinks. Unfortunately, there was an accident in which some unwanted substance entered the batch I was making." _

"_The ingredient being?"_

"_Expired milk."_ He sighed, still feeling the effects himself.

"_It caused all this?" _House questioned again.

This time with a surreptitious glance at a smiling boy, the proclaimed Seigaku freak coughed into his hand when the smile turned in his direction. _"There was another unfortunate combination involving Wasabi..."_

"_I'm starting to believe you really are crazy." _House stared, thoughts inscrutable.

"_Yes, well..."_

Now bored with waiting for an answer, the resident pain-in-the-ass of Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital abruptly cut off the renewed stir of conversation brewing among the clinic patients. _"Crazy or not, you're still stuck here. You lot line up by that door, English at that door. Compredez?"_

"_Hai."_

* * *

_Some time later, Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital, New Jersey. The Clinic. _

"Name?"

"Be awed by the presence of-"

"Answer in three seconds, kid, or get your temperature tested rectally."

"...Keigo Atobe." The boy finished, severely affronted.

"Business moguls, right?"

"Atobe Industries is-"

"Take this now, another one in a couple of hours." Atobe blinked as he was pushed through the door and forced to hold a prescription with the hostile Doctor shouting over his shoulder. "NEXT!"

* * *

"Crazy Seigaku Freak Guy. A pleasure. What do you go by when you aren't incapacitating an entire tennis team?"

"Sadaharu Inui."

"That's... dull. Crazy Seigaku Freak Guy suits better."

"I require-"

"One of these and one of these."

"Hm?"

"There you go."

"Eh?"

"Bye bye. Although I might want to see if I can get a duplicate of whatever you used." Inui was about to answer when he, too, was shoved from the door. "NEXT."

* * *

House observed the tall teen, face shadowed by his white baseball cap. "You _do_ speak English, right?"

There was a long pause, in which he was forced to reply, unhappily. "Yes."

"Take this one now, another in a couple of hours..."

* * *

House observed the short pre-teen, faced shadowed by his white base-ball cap. "I _know_ you speak English."

"Che."

"Any reason you're delaying?"

"It's noisy out there."

"True. Real reason."

_"Yadda."_

"Real reason or I give everyone out there a reason to feel sorry for you."

It was an effective threat, and Ryoma scowled accordingly as he replied. "...my Dad's here."

"That's an interesting reason. What's your name kid?"

"Ryoma Echizen."

"Definately interesting..." House scratched at his stubble as he gave the matter some thought. He glanced at the kid, who yawned loudly.

"You bored?"

The kid shrugged.

"Yeah, me too. There's way too much ammunition in this one..." House spun his cane around in his grip. "Want to mess with people?"

The kid shrugged again.

"Fine. You're my hostage."

"Eh?!"

* * *

Nanjiroh cursed as he sneezed loudly, leaning on a nearby counter for support. The intercom buzzed overhead whilst the swarm around him moved to avoid the strange barefooted man in the dark robes.

"Excuse me, sir?"

"And what can I do for you?" He looked up and was mildly surprised to come face to face with a particular shape from the form of a large busted nurse. He grinned and chuckled, red coming to his cheeks for a different reason than the person in front of him.

"You're leaning on my coat." The woman glared at the lecher, and whipped the jacket from beneath his arm causing Nanjiroh to slip and bang his jaw on the faux-marble surface.

"...Kuso" The former tennis professional muttered forlornly after the nurse- and his favourite assets walked away.

Doctor Forster stared.

Akaya Kirihara's eyebrow twitched.

"Um, I just need to get your medical history..."

_"What the hell did you say, old man?!"_

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'm not going to reveal everyone who has been sent on the tour until the end (I have something in mind). It's a little tedious just to introduce everyone in a list... However, it's easy enough to work out who's turning up.

* * *

"_Ne, senpai, what does this do?"_

"_Kentarou-kun, can you please stay-?"_

"_But I'm so hungry... senpai! Senpai! Can we get some ramen, please?!"_

"_...doesn't your stomach hurt...?" _The older boy was more than irritated the young boy was amazingly unaffected by the disaster at the courts.

Kentarou Tooyama's grin was shark like, but he backed away as the vice-captain began to reach for the bandages on his wrist._ "No! I'll be good I promise, I promise, I promise! Don't poison me!!"_

"_Then be quiet and wait for your turn."_

"_..."_

"_..."_

"_...But what does _that_ do?!" _

* * *

"_Kirihara-kun seems to have been in there for some time_." Yukimura's brow deepened marginally in concern.

"_The other Doctor is much more efficient. Although I had predicted Inui questioning the nature of the medication more_." Renji commented as his former doubles-partner stumbled through the clinic room door, ruffled and confused. The Rikkai giant's carefree smile grew that inch more sinister... it seemed like new data... unfortunately for him (and fortunately for Inui) he was unable to collect that particular data as the junior Rikkai ace came barrelling back through the door. The yelling reached an almost ear-splitting volume, causing Renji's left eye to twitch.

"_Tezuka." _The wealthy captain of the Hyoutei team, recovered from the ordeal suffered by his pride (in not only having been one to drink Inui juice, but also seeing that insufferable physician), calmly observed the unfolding events, the faithful Kabaji at his side.

"_Hm?_

"_Perhaps it would be of mutual benefit to combine our efforts and silence this hoodlum urchin." _

Although in principle objecting to the term urchin, as Doctor Forster tried to hysterically explain he had only tried to check Kirihara's pupils when they suddenly reddened, the stoic captain of Seigaku couldn't help but agree with his counterpart from Hyoutei. _"...Aa."_

"_Kabaji?"_

"_Usu."_

Sensing the ominous presence behind him of the mono-syllabic teen, the young Rikkai ace froze and turned to the only person he trusted in the room. Trying but failing to keep his fierce expression he turned a pleading eye to his captain. _"Buchou...?"_

"_Let the poor man treat you, Kirihara-kun." _Yukimura sighed as Kirihara was swallowed in Kabaji's shadow. Thankfully for him the 'child of god' had been spared the horrors of the juice when he completed the training menu on schedule- his reputation was not just for show- and therefore was able to muster many years of patience to manage to not wring their necks. _"Thank you for your help, Kabaji-kun."_

_"Usu." _Kabaji nodded before lumbering back towards the other captains.

* * *

House carefully opened the door, a blue eye peering through the gap into the busy room. His smirk had an evil glint as he happily concluded his manoeuvring had caused a loud distraction. It proved enough for most of the English speakers to move over to calm down the frantic Doctor Forster and the devilish patient. Nonetheless, as suspected, there were stragglers. "Ok, brat. Initiating escape plan Delta-"

"There hasn't been an escape plan alpha yet." The dark haired boy behind him objected quietly.

"Smart-ass." House replied with some Ire, before glancing at Ryoma again. "So... you're completely certain about this?"

"Che. Move over." The Tennis prodigy didn't wait for an answer as he shoved his way past the Doctor, his (spare) racket in hand, and nor did his expression change as he faced the seniors that had so far avoided the chaos. Fuji saw the racket before Oishi the vice-captain did, but only seemed to be faintly amused as Echizen tugged on the power-house's jacket sleeve. "Oi, Kawamura-senpai. Here."

"Eh?" Kawamura, with a complete aura of innocence, turned around to face his small team-mate. He instinctively opened his hand to reach for his Kouhai's shoulder...

"_Echizen, no_!" Oishi warned their youngest player, completely horrified but unable to act as Inui-juice inspired bile rose in his throat. And he was torn between dealing with Taka-san or running for the nearest waste-basket.

The effort was in vain as the power player gripped the handle of the racket. "AL-RIGHT!! BURNING, BABY! Get this poison treated YEAH!"

"Mission accomplished." House whistled, impressed at the carnage the timid boy's split personality produced before wheeling on the twelve year old and prodding him with his cane in the direction of the elevators. "This way, junior."

The ever-sharp tennis genius was the only one to watch them go, although only after dodging a particularly dangerous racket swing. He might have to punish Echizen for that particular indiscretion... although maybe not after all, Fuji mused, it could be fun.

* * *

"Eiji!"

"_Nya, nya..."_ The acrobatic player purred in his sleep, burying his face in the soft fabric he was lying on.

"Eiji..." The voice growled again, warningly.

"Choc-o-late... mmm..."

"_Kikumaru-senpai...!"_ Momo exclaimed, as the shadow above them grew ever more dark. He scooted along the bench they were sitting on and tried his best to save his team-mate with a hissed warning. _"You're drooling on Ryuuzaki-sensei's coat!!"_

"_KIKUMARU EIJI!!"_

"_Eh...? Nani...?"_ Finally detecting his impending he scrambled backwards over the bench, shifting the coach's jacket to fall on the floor. The jacket's slow descent, observed with horror, landed in a puddle of melted chocolate ice cream, spilt by a toddler some time ago. As Eiji imagined the cry of anger from their teacher as a dinosaur roar (although considering Sumire Ryuuzaki's purpling face he wasn't too far from reality), he sped towards a safe haven where Seigaku's vice-captain and resident genius were busy subduing the no. 1 power player. "_NYAAA!! O-ishi! Fuji-ko! Heeelp!!"_

However, Eiji did receive a brief respite.

A girlish chuckle sounded behind the purple-faced Ryuuzkai, and the coach turned to glare at the origin of the noise.

Hanamura abruptly lost her amusement when confronted with the older woman's fury, pushing her glasses further up her nose, she decided a hasty retreat was best advised. "I'm certain I'm being called by my dear student... over there."

* * *

_Somewhere else at that moment in Princeton-Placebo Hospital..._

"_Where... am I_?" The boy, lost and unable to read the signs, or speak to anyone in the busy hospital corridor, stared around him, terrified.

* * *

"House, there's a patient admitted showing signs of cerebral failure and seizures and… I don't know why I should even bother… but why exactly is there a kid here?" Foreman's voice rose in pitch as he pointed at the Japanese boy drinking a can of Ponta in the corner.

"Oh, him?"

"Yeah, him."

"He's a patient I picked up from the clinic. I'm his Doctor. He's got bad food poisoning, so I gave him some antibiotics. He'll be fine." House balanced his cane in-between his chin and his knee as he looked up from his desk to his employee. With a degree of nonchalance, he shrugged as he continued to explain. "He's also my hostage."

"Hostage?!"

"He gets to avoid annoying people he doesn't like, I get to make demands and avoid annoying people I don't like, everyone's happy."

"What about his parents?"

"_Oyaji is an idiot."_ Ryoma yawned and leaned back in the chair he was sitting on. Foreman blinked at the foreign language and ground his teeth when House looked at him pityingly.

"He said his old man's an idiot. Most parents are. He's a smart kid." The kid in question made a dismissive noise, and finished the rest of his drink.

Foreman glared.

"I'm not going to keep him forever. Besides, he's useful to bounce ideas off now that Chase and Cameron are giving their parade speeches thanking all the little people…"

"They're at a medical science conference downstairs! You don't even have your new case yet!"

"I call this a pre-emptive strike. You're here to get my opinion on your patient, aren't you?"

Not quite believing House, Foreman crossed his arms. "Does he even understand English?"

"Sure. He's just psyching you out by pretending not to." Again, the other Doctor doubted his words. Yet... there was a hint of amusement in the kid's eyes.

Foreman shook his head and gestured with his hands, exasperated. "You can't keep him here, Cuddy will find out about this."

"Ah... she's rather busy." House told him with a satisfied delight.

"What with?"

"There's still the other twenty or so of these brats." House roughly placed a hand on Ryoma's head, pushing his hat over his eyes and causing him to squawk slightly.

"You're completely…"

"Brilliant, so, as not to waste my brilliance, what's the problem with _your_ patient?"

Ignoring the jibe against his medical skills, and also ignoring the kid who was now sitting up with interest (who apparently really was able to understand English) Foreman began to explain his case. "Girl admitted three hours ago complaining of a headache..."

* * *

Doctor Forster eyed his next patient warily. "Do you speak English?"

"Yup."

"Do you need treatment for food poisoning?"

"Yup."

"Oh, thank God." Forster muttered in relief as he filled out the prescription. At least _one_ of these kids spoke English and wasn't crazy.

Kabaji blinked and remained motionless.

* * *

"Can I play this Gameboy?" Ryoma asked House as he walked back into the room from the interrogation of Foreman's patient (having proven she'd been taking illicit substances already). The boy waved the device he had found in the air; it had been located whilst searching for some way to relieve his boredom.

"You're not going to beat my high-score." House warned as he flicked through some of the papers on his desk. "And that's the only game I have with me."

"Oh…?" The kid drawled, a cocky smile growing on his face as he turned the console over.

"Are you making a challenge?" House paused in what he was doing, and so noticed Ryoma's expanding smirk.

"You scared?"

"You're a twelve year old brat." He spoke pointedly and a silence fell between them. However, the genius doctor would face no opposition to his supremacy. Fierce icy eyes met a golden gaze. "Bring it on."

* * *

"I wouldn't have had to drink that juice if I had gotten that grip tape from Echizen. My racket slipped. You don't believe me. No one believes me, just because he's a super-rookie. That Echizen brat just got lucky. I ran out of my grip tape before we went shopping. I could have taken out that guy... Hm? What are these? They kind of look like those sweets you get in those plastic boxes but bigger."

"Please... leave now..." Dr Forster hung his head.

* * *

"Hm?"

"What is it?"

"Kaidoh-senpai." Echizen pointed outside to where another kid wearing a bandana was attempting to ask directions using a phrase book. "Can I ask him in?"

"He won't give away our position? I saw him arguing with that broomstick guy a while ago. He's a _hisser_."

"He can't speak English."

"Not annoying?" The Doctor questioned after he rolled his eyes at the obvious 'duh' statement. Parting the blinds and staring with suspicion at the lost boy.

"He's nice to my cat." Echizen said, as if that explained everything.

"Is he any good at this?" House indicated the Gameboy.

Ryoma shrugged, all he ever saw Kaidou doing in his spare time was training.

"Fine."

* * *

Ryoma pushed the door open with a bang. Although Kaidou was one of his senpai he respected the most he secretly took an almost vindictive delight in scaring his senior. Tezuka had he been there would have blamed Fuji's influence. Or perhaps Inui. But, out of the two prodigies, at least Ryoma had a healthy fear of the vegetable concoctions. "Oi, Kaidoh-senpai…"

* * *

_"Echizen's disappeared?"_ Tezuka repeated after his vice-captain, with a grave voice. "_And Kaidou?"_

_"We haven't seen him since he went in for his turn to see the Doctor and he handed Taka-san his racket..."_

_"Gomen everyone..."_

"_Ah, Taka-san no need. Echizen's probably just fallen asleep somewhere."_ Fuji commented, joining his two friends. His eyes opened slightly, and he gave a small slip of a smile that made the others shiver inwardly. He suggested, with an innocent expression, "_It might be best to find them before they get into any trouble."_

Tezuka glanced behind him to see Sanada grow red-faced at something Kikumaru had apparently implied about his relationship with Yukimaru. He nodded gratefully at Fuji, whose smile had turned all-knowing. "_Aa. Oishi, look after everyone else. Don't let your guard down."_

_"Oi, I'm coming too!"_ Kirihara, not being able to understand a word around him had stuck close to the fluent speakers, like Fuji, all the way from an airport. At another time he would have stayed with his vice-captain but with the way things were going he would rather spend time with Seigaku's sadist. Logically he reasoned the amazing Tezuka ought to be able to control the genius player, but the only other Seigaku player who was within hearing distance and knew the truth was rather too stunned to warn him of the dangers. Especially considering Fuji was still chagrined with what he had done to Echizen's knee.

_"…Hai… Tezuka…"_ The doubles specialist was struck horrified by the implications of the last order from his buchou. He barely blinked as the Rikkai Ace sped past in a desperate panic.

* * *

_"Kaidoh-senpai, get down!"_ Ryoma, looking out the glass doors crouched behind House's desk and pulled the older boy down with him.

"Someone you know?" House asked mildly.

"It's Tezuka-buchou."

At Echizen's words Kaidoh paled even more than his already sickly disposition, asking thickly, "_who's that with him?"_

"Fuji-senpai and… Rikkai's Kirihara?" Echizen swallowed. That could not be a good combination.

"_I think Fuji-senpai saw me."_

"_They're walking away."_

"_Did he… wink?" _Kaidou shivered.

"_Aa…"_

"He looks like a sadist to me." House said in English before adding in Japanese, for Kaidoh's benefit. _"Are all your friends this crazy?" _

Kaidoh and Echizen looked at each other briefly, shrugged and nodded truthfully. "_Hai."_


End file.
